It’s been a full calendar year since my last blog post. There are lots of reasons for this, the most compelling being that sometimes I can’t write when the ink is too wet.
2018 was a whirlwind. I started it all off thinking I had it planned and everything was going to work out exactly as it was supposed to.
Except, nothing did. Speaking engagements were cancelled, money went into and out of the coffers like there was a leak at the bottom that I couldn’t seem to patch.
In the midst of trying to figure things out, there was a moment of pure clarity- it lasted for all of forty-eight hours. It was the minutes between the moment when I received confirmation that my ACS Case that had been open for the last three years was finally closed, and when I received court papers demanding that I move out of the apartment we’d lived in for almost four years in the next six weeks.
In those forty-eight hours, I experienced what I could only imagine was absolute happiness and freedom. For the first time in what felt like forever, I had everything I’d been asking from the universe- my bills were all paid, there was food in the fridge, the children were well, my lover was with me, and I was in good health. It was forty-eight hours of being completely worry free, and it did not escape me at all that it was quite possible that in all of my young adult life I’d never before experienced this space where everyone including me was well taken care of. For once there was absolutely no one looking at or for me for anything whatsoever. I was no one’s client. Except for Sallie Mae I owed no one. Forty-eight hours of pure bliss.
At the top of the year, I’d said to someone that moving into 2018 felt spiritually very much like it was the closing of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another. For whatever reason, my spirit was perceiving 2018 as a brand new door. I did not know what that feeling actually was, but I was about to find out.
What transpired in the next 12 weeks solidified that feeling for me. In the course of 12 weeks my life changed for the even better. While we had to move, I saw my soulmate and life partner commit firmly in his decision to be a part of our family and join us in the move. Instead of being consumed with anger over the decisions of our landlord and what could easily be perceived as unfair mistreatment, instead I went into action and applied for an apartment, took our family to court, filed paperwork, organized a cross-state move, and got on a plane with my family. I did it with a smile and an internal calm that was almost other-worldly. Ten years ago something like this would have thrown me into a complete tailspin, and while I had my moments of doubt and anger, I didn’t let it consume what I saw as an opportunity for a fresh start.
The thing was that the last four years were the most stable years of my adult life, and at the outset it looked like I was about to lose everything I’d worked so hard to maintain over those years- my job, my home, the network I’d put so much effort into building. I was terrified that I’d have to give it all up and go back to living in a homeless shelter with my children.
BUT, what if this was just a practice session? What if I could take everything I’d learned in the last four years and apply it all somewhere new? Sure, I’d be starting over but this time, I;d be starting stronger. The more I looked at it that way, the more appreciative I became of the opportunity to move, and the more excited I became. Suddenly starting all over in a new city didn’t seem so bad.
So we did.
Every morning now when I step outside I’m in awe of where I am, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I’m convinced that this physical shift is an outward manifestation of the internal shifts I’ve made in the last seven years, and that the growth I’ve seen in myself will continue to manifest outwardly into stability, even more growth, and abundance.
Now, we’re in 2019, and I’m even more excited than I was at the end of last year. I’m looking forward to new friendships, better, stronger partnerships, and adventures galore.
I also promise to blog more consistently, and to continue to bring you uplifting personal development content on my social media platforms. If you’re not already following on facebook, instagram and twitter, please join us! Wine Out Of Water is looking forward to seeing and interacting with you this year!